Livestock at Burwarton

Alpine (?)
Let's begin of with these crazy creatures. They're called alpacas although I think the plural should probably be 'alpaca'. I don't have any evidence for that, I just think it sounds better.
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Being part-goat, part-llama, part-camel, part-pantomime-donkey, they produce good wool apparently; I'm not sure about their meat. Only two come to the show each year and they each get a rosette just for turning up. I think they deserve it for going through life, seemingly, as the butt of a divine joke.
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Ovine
Next we have the sheep. I'd like to say that I went for the impressionist effect with this photo, in honour of Monet (was he an impressionist? No one dare say Rory Bremner - especially you Caroline!) Unfortunately, the picture looks like this because the auto-focus on my camera has become a little unpredictable.
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Anyway, if the picture were clearer you would see sheep in small pens in which children are able to pet them. Numerous breeds are represented here and each breed has a champion which is thought to be the best specimen of its type on the day. (Rumour has it that the Welsh rate sheep on the strokability scale)
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In a bizarre move, this year they put a refrigerated container with windows in it just outside the livestock area. Inside visitors could see sheep's carcases lined-up. So, after petting the cute little lambs, the children could see what they look like when they're dead. A bit of an own-goal I thought. After this, I got a roast lamb bap with mint sauce from one of the catering vans, it was lovely.
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Bovine

My Pastor and his wife (potentially reading) although not from the area have taken up the tradition of visiting the show each year, and when they arrive the first thing they do is go and look at the cows. My pastor's wife has a special fondness for cows for some reason - I wouldn't like to suggest a reason for this.

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Pictured here is a Hereford Bull, isn't he a handsome fellow. The city of Hereford is about 35 miles from the village of Burwarton so this is regarded as one of the local breeds. It's difficult to get a sense of the size of these things from pictures like this. In the flesh they're impressive beasts and one is glad of the ring through the nose that prevents them from running amok and trampling everything in sight. As it is, one of these nearly trampled me when it was led into the judging ring by one of my dad's friends - I hope it wasn't a deliberate attempt on my life!

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The angular Holsteins are among the most selfless of beasts. Not only do they provide milk for us to drink and meat for us to eat but also, they carry maps on their backs for lost travellers. Some of the local herders have embarked on a program of producing a map of the world by selective breeding. On this cow you can see a detail form the island of St. Lucia.

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Forget Jean Claude Van Damme, the Belgian Blue is the real Muscles from Brussels. Look at the definition around his shoulders, it's scary! This thing looks like it could pull a train with big fat McAvoy on board. He has large testicles too.

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And finally... I have no idea of the breed of this one but I wanted a picture of a handler with his animal and this chap was good enough to stand and pose for me. He might have been less willing to pose, however, had he known why I wanted this particular picture.

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The sole purpose of this picture was so that I could attach the following caption:

Hello ladies, would you like to stroke my calves?

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So, that's all from the show, don't forget to check out Big Dave's cow page in the links.

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Now, I have to go and play table tennis. I'll be back soon as this weekend has been a little eventful for one reason or another but first I'll need to borrow R & J's power supply again to access more pictures from my computer.

Burwarton Show, at last

The Show

"Welcome to Burwarton Show in deepest Shropshire" declared Hollering Henry Yates, the voice of Burwarton. The term 'deepest Shropshire' seemed to carry the same sort of connotation as 'darkest Africa'. I'm sure he didn't mean for it to come out that way - the Africans would be livid!
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How can I explain Burwarton Show to someone who's never experienced it?
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Well, it's an agricultural show that takes place on the first Thursday in August each year and it's been going on annually for over 100 years. The organisers claim it's one of the biggest one day shows in the country with about 20,000 visitors each year.

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(Visit the website here http://www.burwartonshow.co.uk/)

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Basically, what it boils down to, is a day out for a load of farmers to walk around a field, catching-up with their friends and taking in as many free drinks as possible from trade stands as they go. (Usually, people on trade-stands will give free drinks to loyal customers; it's good business sense, I imagine.) Some of them (the farmers I mean) go the extra mile and show off their livestock and produce as well. Others even help out by stewarding, which probably gets them in for free.

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For those who are less agriculturally minded there's a funfair in an adjoining field as well as burger vans and main ring entertainment such as the Honda Imps pictured above (2003).

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There's always a bit of a horse riding (over jumps) competition too. I only mention this now because it seems my cousin/alter-ego (you decide) won it this year.

Open Competition for Registered Horses

1st - Will-E-Squeak - Karen Bosworth

2nd - Kings Archer - HannahJackson

3rd - Bordino D - Mark McCourt.

The visitors break down roughly into three groups:

1. Farmers and countryfolk.

2. Townies who like to pretend to be countryfolk for the day - they are quite easy to pick out.

3. Townies who make no pretence of being interested in farming or countryside issues, they just go for the beer and sunshine.

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Trade Stands

There's quite a varied selection of trade stands with representatives from banks, insurance brokers, car dealers, seed suppliers, country crafts and anyone else who wants to sell stuff that's not necessarily relevant to farming.

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One that sticks in the mind is a clothes stall that had T-Shirts sporting such country witicisms as Trust me, I'm a Young Farmer! and Sod mucking-out I'm knackered! I can't help thinking that somebody somewhere considers him/herself a comedy genius for coming up with these slogans. The thought of that drives me to despair.

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Each year one of the trade stands is deemed to be the best and wins a prize, and usually it's Callow Oils - this year was no exception. Last year their stand was excellent because they had a 1920/30's style band called The Casablanca Steps who played a brilliantly entertaining set evoking the spirit of Jeeves and Wooster, of whom I am a big fan. Here's their website http://www.casablanca-steps.co.uk/

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Nevertheless, I feel the the prize should have gone to another stand this year. That is, the one pictured to the left. There was really nothing special about this stand, in fact I didn't actually visit it. However, as you can see, it was quite popular. There was no shortage of people who wanted to drink there and that's what I think was almost miraculous. Why? Let's have a closer look at the flag shall we.

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Can you see that? What's it called? Semen World! That's what! I think they should take the prize for having the audacity, or should I say, the balls, to so name their stand. Just goes to show, they cater for all tastes at Burwarton.

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Main Ring Entertainment

This year's main entertainment was a bit of a departure from previous years, not a motorbike in sight! This year it was The Devil's Horsemen (some of whom were female) also known as The Cossack Trick Riding Display. As if to prove their Cossack credentials, they insisted on shouting either 'Hey!' or something that sounded like 'Dos widania' (Russian for 'Goodbye' I think) as they went past. I was tempted to find them afterwards and demand that they give back my rubber chicken but I know the phrase in Polish not Russian and it became obvious that none of the team were Russian, or even foreign, during the course of their display.

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Their announcer was good enough to tell us that the team has featured in many Hollywood blockbusters. Such as: Bwaveheart, Wob Woy, and Tombwaider. However, it soon became apparent that some of them didn't know the first thing about riding horses. (See pic. to the right) All the same, my mum thought it was the best thing they've ever had at the show.

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Other things in the main ring this year included a Gun-dog display which was very, very unimpressive. Essentially, it was a man throwing a toy squirrel and getting one of his labradors to fetch it for him. I could do that with my dog.

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Then they brought in the hounds - a political move due to the ban on hunting with hounds. The compere for this bit promised that they would continue to hunt within the law, and yet made this particular law and the government that passed it sound like a tyrannical regime on a par with the worst excesses of Nazi Germany.

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Speaking of Nazi Germany, the last item in the ring was a bit of a military fiasco. Some enthusiasts came driving their vintage military vehicles into the ring. They drove around and around the ring until everyone got dizzy while they tried to find someone to take the microphone and tell the crowds what was going on. They eventually found/bribed(?) a willing victim who made a good fist of it considering the circumstances.

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Other Attractions

Each year there's a little corner of the field, on the way to the funfair, which is fenced off. Within the fence one sees stationary engines that sit in their open air museum, pumping water enlessly from one ice-cream box to another and back again -such as the one pictured. (sorry it's not very clear, I tried to get this one by stealth) I'm always puzzled to know what these engines were used for, there's no explanation given, they just seem to sit there chugging along blowing out smoke and steam, doing their bit to warm up the planet. They obviously wouldn't want to carry them out to the field, so, my best guess is that they were used to power saw mills.

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But then I thought, why would anyone go to the trouble of bringing these incredibly heavy things out and sitting in a zoo pen all day at the show? Ah, I thought, the answer is in their little faces.

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Well, there's your introduction to Burwarton Show. I hope you enjoyed it. Of course, I haven't finished yet - livestock to follow.

Central shopping

It's become a bit of a routine these days that for my lunch break - when I can resist the temptation to take my dog to McDonald's - I go to the Centra shop opposite the City Hall in Belfast and a get a sandwich.

The curious thing about this shop is that they seem only to employ the kind of people who would scare off their customers. Nearly all the staff have faces that are perforated with bits of metal through tongues, lips, noses, and eyebrows; maybe they connect them all with a chain at the end of the shift and send them back to their cell. Some of them have tattoos as well as incredible hairstyles and they often have really bad heavy metal music on around the till area. (I don't want to sound intolerant or prudish or really old but that's probably what I am) The customers on the other hand seem to be completely normal, by my standards, they're not from that ghetto at all.

Today I went to the shop as usual but found none of the sandwiches very appealing. However, I noticed a few weeks ago that there's another Centra on the opposite corner of the same city block, so I went to that one instead. The only reason I mention this is because in this Centra it was just the same. The staff were lined up like a novelty horror show. (I'm going to have to start reading the Daily Mail at this rate!)

Does Centra have a policy of positive discrimination for the employment of Goths and self-mutilators? Or is there something about Centra that attracts them as workers but not customers? Has Centra been taken over by the Goth mutilating master, ming the merciless?

Any suggestions please.

Vex-all Nova

I was driving back to Belfast today. Bringing my mum's old car for my last month so that I could take all my stuff back that I brought over in my car. I was advised not to labour the car too hard because it's quite old. So, I went for the ferry from Hollyhead to Dublin which breaks the journey up into two roughly equal stints as opposed to an incredibly long drive to Stranraer followed by a gentle stroll in Belfast.

There was a bit of traffic on the way which slowed me down but it didn't matter too much because the last 20 miles or so were dual-carriageway and if I could hold an average of 60mph I'd be alright. With about 5 miles to go (which equals 5 minutes, as I'm sure you're aware) the oil light came on, then the engine started making a noise and it completely lost power.

The RAC man was able to start it but said it wouldn't be any good to drive from Dublin to Belfast. He said the best would probably be to order a recovery truck and go home. I asked whether a recovery truck could take me from Dublin to Belfast, - he'd established that the car could probably manage the trip onto and off the ferry but no further - he wasn't sure. It turned out it was possible but would cost 350 Euros. I decided against that one.

Another option (suggested by egregious, lascivious, McAvoy) was to find someone on the ferry
who was driving on to Belfast. I did ask a few punters who were sat waiting for the ferry but the nearest I found was someone going to Enniskillen. The Recovery truck arrived before I could interrogate them all. So, now I'm back at home and I'm supposed to be at work tomorrow. Looking for cheap flights at short notice...

I was only bringing the car in the first place because some swine stole mine and burnt it!
~fv##!

Still, looking on the bright side, I saw some nice Welsh scenery en route to Hollyhead and the recovery driver brought me back through Llanfairpwllgwngll-(gogerychwnddrobwillllantysiliogogogogh) so I can - in a fashion - say I've been there too.

* I swapped the verbs 'bring' and 'take' around in the first paragraph to avoid giving away the end of the story, please forgive me for so misleading you. I hope the suspense you felt as you read the story was worth it.

Show Post-poned (Ear Candling?)

I expect you're (all) on the edge(s) of your seat(s) waiting to read my report on the Burwarton Show which I promised about a week ago. Unfortunately, the power supply for my laptop seems to have given up the ghost, and that's where the pictures are - it wouldn't work so well without them. I'll get it sorted next week hopefully.

The computer I'm using at this precise moment is my parents', they paid £20 for it and there's no way I can connect my camera to it.

So, one little question for those who might know - and for those who don't but would like to have a guess, a prize for the most creative maybe. I was waiting outside a baker's shop in Ludlow yesterday which was opposite a place where they do things like ear/body-piercing, tattoos and alternative therapies (in a very upper-middle-class kind of way, not your typical tattoo parlour). In the course of my waiting, I perused the signs in the surrounding shops and this particular shop's sign along with various types of piercing and body-art advertised 'ear candling'. Various images spring to mind but I'm sure they can't be right. Can anyone shed some light on this?

Freddie and the Dreamers

Not everyone sees the beauty of cricket. If you are one of those people, I consider you to be not only unenlightened but also uncivilised.

Today was a great day for English cricket, and possibly one of the most entertaining to watch. I won't bother explaining (well actually I did but decided to delete my explanation and start again)

Suffice to say, Andrew (Freddie) Flintoff (pictured) came to the rescue for England when they really needed him. He's the most fantastic cricketer I've ever seen and today he put on perhaps his best performance.

So, in honour of Freddie, I propose the he be knighted and canonised. And August 6th should be known as St. Freddies day.

I promised in my first post

A couple of years ago, during the summer, I helped in the secretary's office of the Burwarton Show for a week as a bit of a summer job. (A very small bit of the summer to be fair) My mum was working there as well, so we travelled together.
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On the journey each morning I saw this amazing object just before we reached the office. It took me about three days to figure out what it was as we sped past. Anyway, I found it enchanting, like any sane person would, and returned in my own car to get this picture.
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Now I try to slip the picture into as many inappropriate situations as possible, such as my slideshow presentation about my time in Seoul - completely unrelated but it deserves an audience I think.
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When I went to the show again the next year I noticed that he'd gained a mate, as pictured to the right. (I assume the first frog to be male, and his(?) 'mate' to be female although it's sometimes hard to tell with cast-iron creatures) Obviously, I had to get a more up-to-date picture. (shame about the flowers)

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Today was the day of Burwarton Show again so I hoped maybe they might have spawned a display-team. Unfortunately, they haven't. Nevertheless, it's nice to see them again.

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So, now my appeal, if you should see any creatures on contraptions which you wouldn't normally expect to see them on, send me a picture and we can start a little collection. (No cheating with Google now, I've done that already)

As for the show, more will follow.