A Masterpiece

I accidentally created a work of art the other day. (Or possibly just a mobile phone advertisement) I've taken a photo of it, for your viewing pleasure.

The key to success in modern art, I think, is in giving the piece a suitably pretentious title. So, without further ado, here it is:

(That enormous Phone is an) "Anachronism"

Film 2005

It's very nearly the end of the year so I thought I should bring my report of all the films I've seen this year. Attempting a review of every single one of them would be terribly time consuming and pointless so I've sorted them into four groups and tried to rank them based on my own response to each one - though it's almost impossible to compare some of them. My ratings have little to do with artistic merit or anything that people who know about films care about, just my own subjective response.
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All the films listed were seen at the cinema with the exception of Unleashed, which I've included because it was in the cineam this year even though I saw it later on DVD.
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Highly Recommended
Hotel Rwanda – A moving and inspiring film based on a true story
Millions – A very touching little film featuring two boys, some angels and a big stash
House of Flying Daggers – Possibly the most visually stunning film I’ve ever seen
Batman Begins – The best of the Batman films, really gives depth to the character
Unleashed – Jet Li proves himself to be a very good actor, not just a Kung-Fu master (DVD)
The Interpreter – Nicole Kidman is surprisingly believable as a UN interpreter
Kung-Fu Hustle – Hilarious martial arts comedy
Wallace and Gromit – Like Gromit, I don’t need to say anything about this one
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Worth a look
The Manchurian Candidate – Good tense thriller slightly tainted by apparent political bias at the start
Be Cool – John Travolta stars alongside Vince Vaughan and The Rock in a very enjoyable comedy
Bullet Boy – A gritty and very worthy film, best not to watch it if you’re feeling depressed
War of the Worlds – Over-hyped, of course, but worth it for the full-on cinematic spectacle
Crash – Interesting film, probably not as clever as it thought it was
Sideways – Nice scenery and soundtrack, not the fastest moving piece
Pride and Prejudice – Not as good as the BBC version but it’s a good story
The Wedding Crashers – A fairly brainless comedy, enjoyable nonetheless
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – A few annoying uses of words like ‘candy’
Hitchhikers Guide – Faithful to the feel of the book but not the story
Meet the Fockers – Another easy-watching comedy
Kingdom of Heaven – Slightly ridiculous as far as I can remember
Madagascar – It was good enough, some nice touches, not spellbinding I guess
Valiant – Featuring the voice of Ricky Gervais, he doesn’t spoil it, thankfully
The Man – I’d forgotten about this one. Luke Goss wasn’t very good but it wasn’t completely awful
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Not Recommended
Mickey-Bo and Me – It’s probably a good film. Everyone else loved it – I just found it annoying
Churchill, the Hollywood years – I enjoyed it the first time but watching again I was less impressed
Star Wars – Awful dialogue, slow moving for the first hour, we all knew what was going to happen anyway
Monster-in-Law – You won’t be disappointed, it really is as bad as it sounds
Mr and Mrs Smith – Seems to revel unnecessarily in the sound of guns being assembled
Team America, World Police – After the first 10 minutes it’s not worth watching
The Life Aquatic – Bill Murray just doesn’t do anything for me
The Dukes of Hazard – My main objection is the glorification of the Dukes’ lifestyle
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I’d rather poke my own eyes out than watch it again!
National Treasure – This is nothing but propaganda aiming to make Americans feel patriotic (as if they’re not patriotic enough!) at the expense of the British. Every existing copy of this film should be ritually burnt along with all other associated material. The cast and crew should expunge it from their CV’s and receive Electro-Convulsive Therapy to wipe it from their memories. (This may cause a certain amount of brain damage for some very talented people but it’s worth it)

Simple answers

When I was a lad, there was a magic formula for the resolution of all the world’s problems. A simple mantra could be heard in all discussions of weighty topics that would settle the matter for those who were prepared to believe – “Send the SAS in, that’ll sort them out”. People with especially sharp minds would point out that by the time the public was aware of the problem the SAS was already working on it. But this didn’t seem to discourage us from repeating the mantra.

I realised the other day that I haven’t heard the mantra for a long time. Why? The last time I remember hearing it was just before the Gulf war in 1991, on a radio phone-in show. After the war came the book Bravo Two Zero by Andy McNab, I never read it; it wouldn’t interest me much. Anyway, my theory is that after this book was published the SAS lost some of its mystique, especially as it revealed that the mission was a failure (I think). Other books have come out since then to further explode the myth of the superhuman regiment. I don’t know what the effect of it was overseas. I think we were paranoid about the rest of the world learning the secrets of the regiment, which they all, of course, admired, feared and envied in equal measure. I suspect the rest of the world didn’t really notice, they were too busy admiring their own elite troops.

Now I find myself having similar expectations about Freddie Flintoff and Wayne Rooney when they take to their respective fields. There are times when these superstars seem able to do anything.

But I’m not here to write about sporting expectations. In the last year or so, I’ve noticed a new mantra that seems to go unchallenged whenever I here it aired, usually on Radio 5, because I listen all the time. (A big ‘hello’ to Rhod Sharp, in the extremely unlikely event that he’s reading) The new magic words are (drum roll please): Full public inquiry. (Or is that ‘enquiry’?)

Admittedly, a ‘full public inquiry’ doesn’t perform the same function as the SAS. But it seems that we have, somehow, taken those three magic words to heart as the means of getting to the bottom of whatever issue we’re confronted with. This is despite the fact that the ‘full public inquiry’ that brought ‘full public inquiries’ to the national consciousness (to mine, at least) was the Hutton Inquiry, with which many people were dissatisfied.

I wonder what it will take to shake our faith in the inquiry, and what will come next...

Festive Cheer

It really doesn't feel like Christmas to me. Even more than it really didn't feel like Christmas last year.
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Anyway, in order to make the old blog a bit more festive, I was hoping to upload a Christmasy mp3 file for your entertainment. Unfortunately, I'm not very good with computers and I couldn't fool blogspot into thinking it was a picture or just copy and paste it into the compose screen.
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I asked someone in a chatroom and they said my ISP might give me webspace and I could link to it. Now, I don't know who my ISP is so I tried on yahoo, I have some photos there, I thought maybe I could store music files there too. I couldn't see anything that suited the purpose but there was a homepage creation wizard so I thought I might be able to use that. To cut a shortish story even shorter, I've made myself a homepage, and no, it doesn't allow me to store files there, so it's really no use to me. But I've got it now, so if you want to see it, it's in the links section. I added a link to Boris Johnston's website while I was at it, see if you can guess which is which.
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If anyone knows how to insert mp3 files into a blogspot post I'd be very grateful if you could tell me how, and maybe copy and paste the code for me.
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Thanks, and a merry Christmas to you all. (both)

A modest proposal

As much as I might sound cynical in casual conversation, I think I'm still quite naiive and idealistic in practice. It seems I still expect the best of people and I'm shocked when they disappoint me.
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So, in recognition of my newly discovered innocence, I've decided to canonise myself. I'll send my petition to Rome to be made the patron saint of all unassertive people. I can't think of a more deserving humble candidate, except for Emily, and all my other friends who would never think to suggest themselves.

Shocking Revelations

What I failed to mention in my previous post is that there is another reason why I might not have been entirely happy this term. That is, I haven’t really connected with many people outside the house.
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I have a kind of rapport with a couple of people from my Greek class but I’ve never arranged to meet with them outside of class. Likewise, with those from the Anglican, Methodist, and Catholic societies, up until this week, I hadn’t arranged to meet any one of them outside of a set meeting. I’d only met them at society meetings where, during unstructured social mingling times, I’ve felt like a bit of a spare-part.
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However, this week, I did meet up with a fellow MA student (from Belfast), who isn’t actually in any of my classes, and we had tea (as in an evening meal) and a good long chat about all things theological and otherwise as we whiled away the evening in the pub.
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I also met someone from Angsoc on Wednesday evening and we went to a pub quiz, which one of his house mates seems to regularly attend. Actually, I made an excuse to contact him because he’d just split up with his girlfriend and I thought he might need a friend, like I did… kind of. We didn’t talk about anything meaningful but it was a bit progress maybe.
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Tonight was the Angsoc Christmas dinner, in a Thai/Chinese/Indian restaurant. After the meal, we went to the Staff Bar, which is reserved for staff, post-graduate students, and their guests. (I didn’t mean to go to this bit but I’m useless at leaving social gatherings; I don’t like having to attract attention to myself by saying goodbye to everyone, and if I leave alone, I just feel a bit sad.) Leaving the Staff Bar, one of the girls invited us round to her place. It seemed quite appealing to me to see where one of my acquaintances lived and to sit somewhere that wasn’t smoky drinking coffee and chatting pleasantly about interesting things.
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Half an hour later, I found myself in the middle of a drinking game. I was glad that I’d taken my car down to Selly Oak, which gave me a good excuse not to join in the drinking game. The format of the game was that one person would say ‘I have never…’ followed by some sort of experience, and those who had done that thing had to take a drink. I found out a lot of things that I think I’d be better off not knowing but somehow there was a morbid fascination. I was the oldest in the room but also, it seems, the most innocent. But the really shocking thing was that some of them seemed to be proud of their misdemeanours. Some of it was bravado and attention seeking, I’m sure, but there still seemed to lack self-respect for some of them.
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I found myself wondering how these Christians are different from other students. They all seem to have sincere faith, to varying depths, but they don’t seem to have let it affect their behaviour. Of course, I don’t know when they did the things to which they were confessing, or whether they would do it again but the overriding attitude seemed to be it doesn’t really matter. I can only surmise that they have very different values to me. Which is disturbing, as it seems I fit in less than I thought.
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Maybe I’m evangelical after all, that is a shocking thought! But the CU is equally difficult to fit into. As socially conservative as I may be, some of my views, arrived at by studying theology, aren’t acceptable to those who are ‘orthodox’. Whenever I’ve heard a CU speaker, I’ve found myself frustrated that they never seem to have let their views be shaped by theological study; they just tow the old evangelical line unquestioningly.
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Now I find myself sounding very self-righteous – morally superior to the liberals on one hand and intellectually superior to the evangelicals on the other. I could try to alleviate this to some extent by asking myself how much I really allow my faith to affect my behaviour. The truthful answer is not much; mostly I behave as I’m in the habit of behaving, which happens to coincide with my values. And at points where my behaviour may be at odds with my upbringing, I shape my values to justify it – in the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t really matter what time I get out of bed. And some things that might be considered as sinful, such as taking drugs and getting drunk, don’t appeal to me at all, so I can hardly be proud of myself for overcoming the temptation to do those things.
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I’m sure there are nettles I’ve failed to grasp in theological terms too.
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All the same, it’s unavoidable for me to say that I think my moral standards are higher/better than those of the students whom I got to know better than I expected to tonight. And that my approach to theological issues is more honest/better than that of those who never really allow for the possibility that they might be wrong.
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It’s only recently that I’ve started to realise how neurotic I am. Better than being psychotic I suppose.

Moving Story

The reality of sharing a house with three girls, two French and one Chinese, has fallen short of the expectation.

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Before coming to Birmingham I took delight in telling people, in slightly suggestive tones, that I'd be sharing with two French girls. Not that I really thought there would be anything sleazy going on, I just derived a certain perverse pleasure from suggesting it. Having said that, I did expect to get to know the girls a bit and that we would be friends. It makes me sad to say that this hasn't happened either.

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One of the girls is quite a difficult character, I think, others have said so too, I get the impression that she's an only child and she's not at all sociable. She was the last to move in and, it seems to me, the rest of us have been influenced by her since then. It's my observation that she only talks to me when she wants something, such as when we had a broadband connection put in, in her room. She needed help setting it up and I ended up ringing the helpline on my phone, which meant that I was charged for the call not her. We got it sorted out quite quickly and I tested the connection by typing in the address for this blog - so it's possible she might be reading this, in a way I hope she does [but not for another couple of weeks] I'm not likely to express my frustration effectively in person.

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Later the same night, I asked her if I could check my emails in her room, as she had the monopoly on the internet at that time, even though we were all paying for it, and she was really not at all willing to help, she said we might get a wireless router soon so I could check then, not very helpful.

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When we did get the wireless router and I'd spent £25 on a wireless network card to use with it, she put a password onto the system (which is fair enough) and it stopped working for me. I asked her if we could do something like change the password and she refused to help again.

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Included with the internet deal was a Telewest tv decoder, which, naturally, resided in her room, which meant that she had the monopoly on that too. We have a lounge downstairs - I mentioned once before that I'd left a packet of cards and minaiture table tennis set in there, in the hope of enticing the girls into social activities - which would be a good place to keep a tv I think. We could all watch it then.

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I also tried to be friendly with this girl on a couple of occasions by inviting her to play cards. The first time she said 'no', and the second time she condescended to join us but then changed her mind when I told her we were playing poker because she doesn't know how to play.

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About a month ago I returned to the house on a Sunday afternoon, after being home for the weekend, to find an aerial lead extending from the lounge downstairs to the other French girl's room upstairs. This really annoyed me, it seemed that the selfish attitude of one was rubbing off on the rest of us. It was at this point that I started to seriously think about moving out.

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The two French girls spend all their time in their rooms and only come out to cook and go to work now. The Chinese girl, I would have to say, is more sociable but I don't see her very much.

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There are other things about the house that annoy me, each person has their own washing up liquid and sponge - except me that is, I just use whichever is nearest. What kind of person has to have their own sponge???!!! There is also a store cupboard downstairs which is meant to be for the Chinese girl and myself because we have smaller rooms but the two French girls have put loads of stuff in there too.

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Anyway, I've looked at a couple of other houses and I've decided to move into the first one I looked at. When I went to look around, I recognised the student who opened the door because I'd been in his quiz team at the start of term. The room is bigger and slightly cheaper, in a better area and they have a tv in a communal lounge where they also eat off their laps. It's not a perfect house but it seems a lot more attractive to me right now. I'll be moving in in January

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I told the landlord and his wife last week, they were quite understanding and they've said that they will return my deposit. They also seem to have told the rest of the housemates which saves me the trouble.

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One final thing which I find quite funny as well as frustrating. Last night I went into the kitchen and took half of my washing out of the machine. At the same time, the difficult girl was bringing shopping in, she couldn't fail to notice what I was doing, although she might not have thought about it consciously. I took my bundle of clothes through to the lounge and started hanging them on the driers there, everyone uses the driers in the lounge, it's the only thing anyone does in the lounge. As I was hanging my clothes I heard a click and it went dark. This girl had switched the light off without checking that anyone was in there - assuming that it wasn't deliberate that is. I should have said 'oi!', or something, anything, but I was too shocked, and then the moment had passed. I carried on haniging my clothes in relative darkness before getting the other half of them out of the machine. The girl was still sorting out her shopping. Entering the lounge again, it seemed like an interesting experiment, as well as a practical consideration, to switch the light on again. Ten seconds later, click. I put my head in my hands and began to chuckle sadly.

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You my think me a bitter little man, and I think you may be right. If I were a better human being, I would be able to deal with such difficult situations more effectively, or at least, deal with them a little bit. As it is, I avoid confrontation, probably because I don't handle confrontations well, I never express myself very well when put on the spot.

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So, anyway, I'm moving out, it might seem a little cowardly but there's nothing to be gained by sharing a house with someone who seems to view me - and everybody else - as second-class.