Fleeting Mind

I don't know much about Karl Marx except maybe that he was a 'major boar' and he famously said, 'religion is the opiate of the masses'.

I heard it said once that he meant that religion was used to deaden the people's senses to their true situation. And being oblivious to their 'true situation', they were not likely to take revolutionary action to change it.

That may or may not have been true in Marx's context but for me I think the situation is different. For me, entertainment and the company of friends provide pleasant distractions that insulate me from my inner world. It is when I'm faced with my sense of aloneness and lostness that religion is born.

The curious state of alienation and confusion of man in modern society is perhaps more ‘bearable’ because it is lived in common, with a multitude of distractions and escapes... (Thomas Merton, Contemplative Prayer, Darton, Longman and Todd, Lodon. 1973. p.26)

Since 1973 when Merton wrote this, the 'multitude of distractions and escapes' has grown considerably with the advent of computer games, satelite tv, the internet, and mobile phones. Surely, the entertainment industry, is now the 'opiate' of which Marx speaks.

-

On the other hand, some films, plays, books, and tv series, as worthy pieces of art, probe the human condition and evoke in their viewers either a sense of the spiritual or a sense of their lostness, or both. And while the company of friends might distract me from my spiritual poverty, I would want to affirm what I think Bonhoeffer said (I know about as much about Bonhoeffer as I do about Marx) that we find the presence of God in fellowship with others. As introverted as I may be, I need the company of friends, more than most maybe.

---------------------------------

I wrote that a few days ago and I don't really know where I was going with it so I'll leave it there. I often find myself in a pensive mood, self-indulgently trying to think of clever ways to express my existential crisis. (Existential crisis eh? Pretentious or what?) Phrases come to mind that might begin to express my feeling of inner emptiness combined with faint hope, and I think I should try to construct a poem, or a poetic prayer, out of them, or something. But usually, it's just one idea, and it takes a lot of work to make any more of it. But more problematically, when I come to write down such things, the mood has passed and I just don't feel the same. To attempt writing in the same vein would feel a bit false.

A similar problem occurred in a relationship. The things that bothered me about the situation never seemed to bother me so much when we were together. But in solitary moments I knew something was wrong. I never figured out how to verbalise the problem, not in any acceptable way at least, I just knew we weren't going to be happy if we stayed together.

Anyway, perhaps becuase I've found it so difficult to find much meaningful fellowship this year, the idea of living within a community has started to appeal. I don't want to be a monk or anything, but perhaps time spent at Taize, or with the Iona Community might prove instructive, or I might hate it. But besides that, I need to find a new place to live for September and I'm looking into the possibility of living on campus at a nearby theological college, where they usually have some spare rooms, or in an international student hostel (they usally have a few British students too). I'll let you know what happens.

Doh!

I have an unenviable knack for alienating myself from people I care about.

It's most distressing.